I stared at this text for what felt like several minutes letting it soak in. It was like I couldn’t fully comprehend it. I had just divulged a long standing secret fear to someone I deeply admired and the response was more profound than I was expecting.
For the majority of my life, my goal was to be fearless. Fear less…or not fear at all. Fear had held me back for a very long time until I was so uncomfortable in my skin I could no longer take it. I had to make changes. Huge ones! And each of them were blocked by fear. Yet it wasn’t until I made the changes despite the intensity that I realized the fear was only blocking my joy.
This lead to an even stronger desire to be fearless. I challenged myself often to do things that made me uneasy to prove to myself I could. I made decisions that were the opposite of what I would normally do to experience more of what I didn’t know existed. Some fears were small, like ordering new foods I wasn’t sure I’d like or mingling at an event where I didn’t know anyone. Others were life altering, like buying a house out of my financial league after leaving my marriage, or resigning from a secure job and starting my own business with very little knowledge of what it would take.
The whole time I thought I was practicing fearlessness, but that could not be further from the truth. I was absolutely terrified! Each big step had seemingly hundreds of small steps that provoked inner angst. And each small step reminded me that there were many more left like them. I rarely feel like I know what I’m doing, but I keep going anyway. I practice Bravery and Courage. Bravery to work through my fears and Courage to keep going. I am not fearless. I am actually anything, but, fearless. What a relief to know it isn’t fearlessness that will keep me moving forward. Keep Reading...