A Simple Practice to Create Proof of Serendipity

I am in the habit of looking for the beauty in the mess that life can bring. I’d like to think it’s because I’ve been bestowed a special pair of glasses to view the world with this lens, but it’s not. It’s taken a lot of practice and tuning into the gifts that come from pain, confusion and fear. 

It also comes from defiance. I stubbornly refuse to believe that life would give us so many obstacles and uncomfortable experiences without some kind of purpose and value. With this belief has come a lot of proof, and for a natural skeptic whose default is fear and anxiety, this has been priceless. A guide to thriving in uncertainty and a map to make sure I always find my way home. It is clear to me, it is my responsibility to share. 

I have to say, that is not always easy. For someone who lives on the fumes of hope some days I know it can sound like magical thinking more than concrete proof. Not everyone wants to find purpose or meaning or understanding, and that’s fine too. 

For me, the need started with survival. I chose to believe life was more than “life sucks and then you die.” I had to. The more I swayed into darkness the easier it seemed to get stuck there. The underworld is familiar territory for someone like me, but I could not allow myself to live there. I knew there was too much more of life to see and explore, and I thrive on adventure. 

This current pandemic experience we are in is yet another challenge. We are well aware of the setbacks and concerns and by now we have heard and seen some of the positives revealing themselves. With every great challenge comes the opportunity to grow and expand in ways we were unable to before. We are seeing a small glimpse, but we are nowhere near what will be revealed as time goes on. If you don’t see the serendipity yet, don’t worry, it will find you. 

In order to see the joy in our experiences, we can practice tuning in. The more we do this the more we see the serendipity that shows we are supported and that life is happening for us. Create a book of proof by tracking the small and unexpected joys that show up each day.

Tracking your daily joys allow you to increase your faith that no matter what happens next, something will help balance it out. It may be a moment that feels good and lets you know it’s not always going to be hard and challenging. It may be a promise of hope or a reminder of being loved and seen. It might be someone reaching out you wanted to talk to or an opportunity that you didn’t previously see. It might be an idea that pops in your head or something that somehow shifts your mood. A compliment, a story you hear, inspiration or feelings of love and support of any kind. These moments give you proof that in some way you are supported, even in the smallest of ways. And the small stuff adds up.

For example, earlier this week I went for a walk in my neighborhood, as I often do. On occasion I see others outside, but not very often. With the closing of schools and more people staying home I saw an increase in people being outside. I unexpectedly began talking to an older gentleman in a nearby culdesac. He’s 82 years old and was babysitting his grandchildren since they don’t have school. He was teaching the youngest how to ride a bike and got right on that bike to show him himself! He introduced himself and shared how he finds many people are afraid of death. I shared how I have noticed that many people are afraid of living. He told me he was most recently employed as a hospice chaplain, but prior to that was an insurance agent. I was curious how he moved in such a direction and he shared how he started off as a Catholic priest…until he met his wife. I was incredibly fascinated by his story and his experience. He grew up in Dublin and worked in South Africa for a while learning the village’s native tongue so he could minister to them. He knows and speaks 10 languages! In his last bit of work he said he taught people how to live before they died. I said, I do the same exact thing. Serendipitous.

What struck me most about our brief connection was how easily our conversation flowed and how meaningful it was for two strangers to connect in such a similar way on different paths of life. It quickly elevated my mood and brought me a sense of peace. We all walk different paths in life, but we want the same things. To love and feel loved and find connection to life in some way. To feel alive. 

Later in the week I was invited to an impromptu virtual happy hour with some girlfriends and found myself laughing and thoroughly enjoying their company. I felt some normalcy and comfort in what has been a sea of chaos. We are normally lucky to connect once a year! Between spending more quality time with my kids and embracing the new challenges with the curiosity of what’s next, it has been a wild start with both joy and grief. Reminding us all of the duality of life, and what it means to truly live. 

Consider starting a book of proof that life is happening for you and that serendipity is simply a moment of awareness away. When you tune into the joy, you tune into the hope and hope feels so much better than fear. 

Say Yes to What Excites You and Make This the Year You Really Live

“I imagine that Yes is the only living thing.” ~E.E. Cummings

During the fall of 2017 I began openly dating, four years after my separation and divorce of a twenty-plus year relationship. It was scary. And I was clear—I didn’t want a commitment, I just wanted the experience and some fun.

My third round of online dating, I finally went out with some younger men who I assumed lined up with my non-commitment goal. It was different and fun, but also not quite what I wanted.

In December of that year, my friend, who was interested in getting to know me more and had been asking me to lunch for months, called me out on my non-commitment. I always had the perfect excuse as to why I couldn’t go. But none of them were as valid as the truth: I was scared.

What if I enjoyed my time with him? What if he liked me and I had to let him down because I wanted nothing to do with a real relationship? My biggest fear is hurting other people, so I didn’t want to even consider that option. Until he said, “Why don’t you stop avoiding and commit to lunch.”

I really dislike being called out, especially when it’s right. So I went.

And you know what happened? What I feared. I enjoyed myself—for four hours. It was filled with great conversation and great company. We closed down the restaurant with our lengthy stay. For someone who listens to people all day long as a professional counselor, I thoroughly enjoyed being listened to and heard. It was wonderful.

And from that moment, my goal for 2018 was born. The Year of Yes.

For the entire year I would commit to saying yes to opportunities that scared me. Ones that made me squirmy and uncomfortable and that promised to teach me something every step of the way.

In 2018, I created podcasts, which I had been avoiding. It scared me to put my work out there and expose myself. As I created them I discovered I loved them. They inspired me to continue doing the work I’m passionate about and still do.

I also opened myself up to doing a number of interviews that completely took me out of my comfort zone. If someone contacted me or an opportunity arose that made my heart beat fast, I said yes without thinking.

When my voice of inspiration popped up and guided me to write and post, I did. When I felt the pull to take financial risks that made me question my stability, I took them. If it felt scary but exciting, I said yes. And didn’t look back.

When the days were sunny and I had a ton of work to do, but a fun option presented itself, I chose the fun. Not an ounce of regret.

I said yes to adventure. I traveled more readily and confidently in 2018 than any other year of my life. I’m an anxious flyer and I jumped on a tiny plane up the coast and large planes across the country. I explored. I stayed open. I was scared, but I did it anyway, and loved it.

I also said yes to a new relationship—sloooowly. Very, very slowly.

In that relationship I noticed things in myself I could not have seen on my own. How quickly I want to bail if I’m uncomfortable. How hard it is for me to receive kindness and love and allow it to be a comfortable part of my life. How much I clam up when I want to run and how easy it is for me to shut down, all while teaching others how to do the complete opposite. Which meant I too, had to practice what I preached.

I learned to communicate like a champ. I shared my feelings when I would normally close them off. I let myself get close to people when I’d rather stay much, much further away.

I chose to say yes. I said yes to myself. I said yes to my life.

And I lived.

I lived in a way I’d been wanting to. I let the yeses guide me to the next step and the next place to grow and enjoy myself. I proved to myself over and over again that the rewards far outweighed the risks of what I thought it would take to be enjoying—truly enjoying—my life.

I reaffirmed what I believed to be true: When I follow my heart, my intuition, my knowing, life has a way of working itself out. Not without some level of discomfort. Not without experiences of pain. Not without changing some tough habits to shake. But all with a value that lasts and creates experiences I’ve desired all along.

I learned that my fear was also my thrill. My shaking and restlessness were also my courage. My pause was my inhale before the exhale to true joy.

We are trained to fear, to hold back and question all the things that can go wrong. We are masterful at saying no to living, to taking chances and being uncomfortable.

We want proof we will be okay. I know I do. And luckily, it already exists.

We have years of being afraid of worst-case scenarios that never played out.

We have memories of taking risks and things turning out even better than we expected.

There may also have been times when things didn’t work out better than expected, or even close. But when we didn’t get what we wanted, we usually got what we needed—we learned, we grew, and we opened ourselves up to new connections and possibilities.

From all our assorted adventures, there were pains that helped us grow stronger and triumphs that helped us feel braver.

We have proof that when we follow what feels right, we’re always on the right path for us.

We have a life that lovingly and courageously wants to be lived.

What would happen if you started saying yes? What would your life look like if you let yourself live? If you pushed through your fears and excuses and let your curiosity and excitement lead the way?

You have all the reasons you can’t. But you also have the reasons you can.

What will you choose?

Original Post on Tiny Buddha

Living Serendipitously

Serendipity occurs for us even when we are not paying attention…

In my early 20’s, while trying to figure out what I was meant to do, I felt stuck. I was studying psychology in college, and it didn’t feel right. My initial passion to learn what makes people tick began to dwindle the more classes I took. The college I attended was focused on research, and the theories presented seemed to make simple processes unnecessarily complicated. I was frustrated and discouraged and unsure if I was on the right path for me.

I had a strong drive to help others but not in the way I was learning. I felt alone in my struggle and confused by the direction. The summer before going into my senior year of college, I wondered if I should change my course as I neared the end of this phase. Since I was good at keeping my fears to myself, it came as a surprise when my brother suggested I read a book that inspired him. That was the first time he recommended anything to me. I took his advice and read the book… the book I had unknowingly been waiting for.

In the book, Man’s Search for Meaning, Viktor Frankl, a renowned psychologist, wrote of his accounts as a prisoner in a concentration camp during the Holocaust. He shared the horrific stories of the violence he witnessed and how he survived. He also shared the theory he developed that there is a purpose to all of our experiences and we can find meaning in just about anything.

A focus on the good. The gifts in the midst of chaos. The opportunity to grow and prosper from whatever we are faced with.

This was how I saw life, and this man who had experienced so much trauma saw it too. It was this book, his experiences, and views, which reminded me I was headed in the right direction for me. It was the serendipity, the unexpected gift, the reminder I needed to keep going.

Life is serendipitous. It is filled with unexpected pleasures, gifts, and opportunities. Our experiences are meant to be. And we are supported in these experiences, even the ones that feel like they are tearing us down.

Our lives are designed for us to learn, grow and experience joy. All of us. We are given opportunities through our relationships, our jobs, our children, our playtimes, our accidents, our illnesses, our losses, our chance meetings with strangers and a whole host of other ways, to learn about ourselves and how we give and receive love.

We are given choices and hints and whispers and sometimes shouts of which direction to go next and it is up to us decide how we want to live our lives. Each decision we make creates new opportunities to learn and grow. Sometimes these opportunities feel challenging and painful, and sometimes they are so filled with ease we wonder if they are real. They are all real, and they are all for us.

How do we know this? How can we trust it? By creating the proof. By practicing awareness that hope and grace surround us. All we have to do is open ourselves up to it and receive.  

Each day listen to your inner voice to create some of the joy you are looking for. Start to take note of the good things that are happening to you and around you. Notice when someone compliments you when you least expect it and how it feels. Notice when your children give you an extra hug and tell you they love you. Notice when you thought you couldn’t pay your bill and the money showed up at the last minute, or you were given an extension when you asked. Notice the opportunities that appear “out of the blue.”

Notice the ideas that are repetitive in your thoughts and how good it feels when you follow through and trust them. Notice that when you take care of yourself, your mood starts to shift quickly, as does your perspective.

Notice how when you felt grief over loss, your friends and family stopped what they were doing to lift you up. Notice how the disagreement that was long overdue with someone you love allowed you to start communicating more openly and honestly. Notice all the things that bring you joy and see how they multiply. Not in how often they occur, but in how often you let them into your heart with awareness.

The more you focus on the good and see the gifts in every day, no matter what is going on, you train yourself to see the temporariness of situations, especially the uncomfortable ones. You begin to recognize....Keep Reading 

Facing the Fear of Change: Big Risks Can Bring Big Rewards

“Change will not come if we wait for some other person, or if we wait for some other time. We are the ones we’ve been waiting for. We are the change that we seek.” ~Barack Obama

If someone said to you, “Hey, you know how you are feeling the need for change and you’re not sure what to do? Well, I can’t tell you what to do, but I can guarantee that if you follow where your heart leads you, you’ll create the possibility of more joy than you’ve ever felt before. All you have to do is walk through the doors that will keep opening up for you and trust, completely, that you are on the right track. You may question it at times, but keep going. You’ll be fine no matter what.”

What would you do? Would you follow the guarantee or would you keep doing what you’re doing?

What if the caveat was added, “Oh, you should probably know that if you do this, you run the risk of losing much of what you’ve known and who you think you are now will look completely different the next time you look in the mirror.”

Ummmm… hold up. Let me think about that.

That’s basically what happens when you know it’s time to change up your life and you’re innately scared to do so.

So, what do you do?

I spend a lot of time in deep reflection and introspection. And it’s not because I want to; it’s because I am constantly trying to understand myself, to figure out where I’m headed and what’s potentially holding me back from getting there.

Most of the time, I feel completely in the dark. And while my grandmother always told me that there is nothing in the dark that can hurt you, I’m human; I question this theory. And yet I continue to trust that she’s right. She lived over eighty years and was the most inspirational woman I’ve known; she must’ve learned something pretty valuable to be expressing these bold opinions.

So I had the nudge to change myself and I went with it. No, that’s not accurate—I had the internal and external shove and I went for it.

In the matter of a few short years, I got divorced, bought a house, lived alone with my kids, completely supported myself financially and then left my job, started a business, and changed the majority of my friends. I chose to start completely over in many ways.

On paper, I looked a bit off balanced. Keep Reading...

Commit

Commit to something you love
Commit to what makes your heart sing
Commit to what you know you want and deserve
Commit to Speaking Your Truth
Commit to Faith
Commit to Love
Commit to Living
Commit to feeling whole
Commit to supporting yourself
Commit to an idea
Commit to a feeling
Commit to letting go of the past
Commit to not giving up
Commit to not walking away
Commit to sitting with the discomfort
Commit to knowing the uncomfortable feelings are temporary
Commit to forgiveness
Commit to one step, every single day
Commit to the vision
Commit to the breakthrough
Commit to the Joy
Commit to Knowing…Its Happening