Stories of Serendipity

As a professional counselor, healer and human, I have spent my life searching, studying, observing and practicing ways to help those I meet reconnect with hope, faith in themselves and trust in a life that was designed for them. 

In the process, I’ve had to learn the same for myself. 

Throughout my many lived experiences, working with others through their biggest challenges, and those of my own, I have learned the difficulty is generally not what we experience, but the belief we are in it alone, or that we must be. That we are failing or being punished or that our suffering is useless. That our shame keeps us unworthy and our mistakes are tattoos of disgrace continuously on display.

Whatever faith we feel in ourselves or life becomes dark when we traverse through the mud. Temporarily forgetting we have access to water to wash it away when we are ready.

It is my belief that this is when our divinity is most present. Not when we are soaring but when we are feeling like we will never fly again. We may not feel it, yet this is when we are most surrounded by love and joy. Our challenge is to open up to it, invite it in and let it remind us of its presence. 

In my experience Serendipity appears when we need it most. It is the unexpected Joy that we feel when a stranger acknowledges us, the animal that crosses our path when we feel distraught and alone, the deal that falls through so a better one can enter, the unlocked door when we were sure we didn’t have keys, the relationship that cracks our heart wide open, and the ending that forces us to start a new beginning we wouldn’t choose on our own.

Each experience leading us down a path towards greater expansion. Each a reminder that we don’t have to worry about every detail because many of them won’t matter. That we are supported, cared for and loved fully through this life- especially when it doesn’t feel like it AT ALL. 

Stories of serendipity is experiential evidence of that support. They are reminders of how divinity moves through and with all of us; in ways that serve us best. We may have unique paths, but are loved through them the same. And sometimes, many times, we need those reminders over and over again. 

Do you have a story of Serendipity that still amazes you? Please consider sharing it for others in need to be reminded of just how loved and supported we are- particularly when we feel it least. 

Let’s inspire each other and share and re-share Hope for all. 

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When Heart and Head Team Together...a Story of Serendipity

Facebook memories have a nice way of keeping track of things I’ve forgotten, as well as helping me remember how time sure does fly. I was reminded recently I’ve been in my current home for 8 years. I thought it had been 5! I then found this piece I wrote about buying my house on faith when all of my “reality checks” said not to. A true story of serendipity and what happens when you listen to your heart, your intuition, when you need guidance the most. 

I stared at the lined paper with numbers scratch written all over it. The numbers at the bottom stuck out like they were written in fluorescent permanent marker. Negative. One big negative. My hope sunk.

On paper my income would not cover my monthly expenses. I could not afford to buy the house I was living in and yet I promised my children I would. And more importantly, they believed me.  I had moved into the house with my children and my husband only four months prior and it had been nonstop chaos since.  Due to an error on the house owner’s paperwork, the house we were scheduled to buy was no longer available to us unless we bought it through a short sale. If you know anything about a short sale, they are anything but short.

Fortunately we were able to move into the house and wait out the process while living there. Unfortunately, three months into living in the home, my husband and I decided to separate. This was not part of the plan.

In an emotional moment of our new reality, one of my children cried “I don’t want to move again.” It was as if their words were aimed directly at my heart. I responded without hesitation, “You won’t move. I will buy you this house.” And I meant it. 

The moving process had been stressful. The arguing between my husband and I continuous. I moved them into the house the very first week of school. I knew more change would be too much. I was determined that it would happen and I would make it work.

I was full of faith. Until I looked at the numbers on the piece of paper which implied- I was seriously mistaken. 

I melted into a mild depression. I could not understand why my heart felt so strongly I could buy the house, but my head looked at my heart like it lived in a universe far away from reality. What was I thinking? At the end of the day the answers were in black and white. I was not going to be able to make it work.

Not only did I not have the down payment required to keep my monthly cost lower, I did not have the income to manage the monthly expenses of life itself. The disappointment I felt in myself and my situation was heart wrenching. The stress of my impending legal separation, finagling how I would survive financially and the massive amount of grief I felt as it seemed my entire life was falling apart was a lot to endure.

And yet, the answer to stay couldn’t have felt more right. I distinctly remember looking out my bedroom window one evening at the beautiful view from my house on the hill and thinking…”I’ve come here to heal.” I didn’t even know what that meant.

It turns out, it meant I would spend many months ahead ruminating over my choices. Wondering if I was truly making the best decisions for my family. Letting my heart speak to my head and compassionately tell it we would be okay. And then dissolving into myself in fear wondering if I was in fact, losing my mind.

I spent the next 9 months not knowing what was going to happen next. My husband moved out and bought a home. I paid my rent each month and prayed the following month would be the same. I had no real idea if the short sale would even go through and if I would even be able to afford it. The numbers on the paper were not budging.

I inherited some stock from my grandmother when she passed. I planned on cashing it in for the down payment, but it would still be nowhere enough. I cashed in savings bonds from the year of my birth. I scraped any savings I had. It looked like I may have just had enough. Maybe I could really do this.

And then it was official. The short sale was approved. I would be able to buy the house if I could come up with the money. What happened next was nothing short of a miracle. The day I went to cash out my stock the numbers had jumped up and I suddenly had more than enough for the down payment. The numbers on the paper changed overnight. I would not only have enough to buy the house and keep my mortgage somewhat manageable, I would have enough to help with some the starter bills that came with it. 

Because my husband and I were legally separated and he had bought his own home, the financial split was clean and had no legal issues to contend with. It’s almost like my buying the house was meant to be…

My leap of faith had paid off in ways I could not have predicted.

For the next year I buckled down and found ways to afford the house on my own that I wasn’t sure my husband and I could afford together. I felt strong, empowered, and continued to practice trusting myself and what felt right. 

The following year I resigned from my secure and stable paying school counseling job to work for myself. I still wanted to help people but I also wanted to write. I started a private practice for counseling and also officially ended my marriage. Two years later I had two books published in the same year, a self help book and a children’s book. I have a successful private practice working the hours I want to work and my bills continue to be paid. I am in awe nearly every month when I sit down to pay them and I realize what I felt was true, is. 

There is something to be said about using your head. To map out the possibilities, to make a plan, to see what could happen in black and white. But the truth is, we just don’t know. Our mind is unable to see the future and the outcome of our decisions. Yet our heart seems to have eyes that pierce through the unknowns, the darkness and focus on the dim light of clarity that is just out of reach.

Trust based living is not always easy. It requires practice of sitting with the fear and listening to it instead of pushing it away. It asks for check ins and disaster planning and poses fearful questions that are unable to be answered right away. It involves understanding yourself just enough to know that you are reliable and can be counted on even when things look bleak. 

But the alternative, to walk through life staying in one place that feels unsatisfying, unfulfilling and downright disempowering just because it’s “easy”, is not living. It’s existing. And at least for me, existing sounds terrifying. 

The numbers may not add up. The black and white may look bleak. Your head may be questioning your heart’s credibility, but that does not mean its time to end the dream. You have no concrete proof that either your head or your heart is right. But you do have proof that standing still gets you more of exactly where you are. 

You don’t really know what is going to happen if you take the next step. But you do know what will happen if you don’t.

The choice is yours. It always has been. 

How to Practice the Pause to Connect to Your Intuition and Live More Serendipitously

I was waiting for inspiration to hit this week to write and since it did not come, I was directed to my podcasts on how to live serendipitously. I was cracking up when I read the script to this one because it is exactly what I currently need. You may feel the same. This is part of the script to Practicing the Pause. It’s definitely worth the listen if you like podcasts. If not, the information and practice is right here. If you are one who quickly reacts emotionally (like me) this one is for you.

Today I’m going to be talking about how to practice the pause and manage impatience when life seems confusing and we feel like we don’t know what’s happening.  We are going to look at the root cause of the discomfort of waiting and how to not just make it more comfortable, but make the wait work for you.

You know those confusing moments where you feel like life is going downhill fast and you’re not sure what to do about it?  Those moments can be really, really tough.  

You’re going along making decisions that feel good and life is rolling smoothly and then suddenly you hit a road block.  One you don’t see coming or makes any sense as to why it would be there. And then you feel stuck and unsure of what to do next.  Sometimes, oftentimes, the best thing you can do is nothing. 

Practice the pause and wait for more information to present itself. And that can be terribly uncomfortable in itself.  Most of us, by nature, don’t like to wait. We aren’t taught to do it well.

Even the idea of waiting makes us squirm in our seat.  We live in a society that continues to make everything easier for us by giving it to us faster. But what is this doing to our ability to wait for just about anything? We stop living in the moment and appreciating the NOW in front of us.  And that’s what we are going to look at today….how to come back to the moment and make it work for you, so you can practice the pause a little easier.

So life hits some challenging moments and we don’t get it sometimes.  Actually, its super annoying. Even when you know and believe things will work out…and I truly believe this….that does not necessarily take away from the discomfort while waiting for things to work out!

Let’s look at why waiting is so important at times.  When unexpected life events and experiences pop up, and they always do, our go to is to quick fix any discomfort out of it. We want to abolish the fear and pain and dismantle any threat of our safety. I mean why wouldn’t we….feeling the pain kinda sucks.

So we try to quickly problem solve our way out of the pain.  We look for our go to’s and distractions to make it go away. We do internet searches looking for answers, we ask friends for advice, we get angry at the people in our life we think are causing our pain or we swear at the universe for setting us up without any clear escape route to fast forward out of whatever we are experiencing.

Most of us just don’t like it. We don’t like the confusion and the discomfort and pain that comes with it. I don’t either. In fact, it irritates me like crazy….right up until I remember the techniques that help take the edge off…practice the pause…wait for more information. It always comes.  

Not always when you want it, but always when you need it.

I’m going to be totally honest with you here. This is a practice I’m continually challenged by. My mind thinks at a high speed and sorts through information quickly when I’m working with other people so I assume and expect I should be able to do this alllll the time for myself. But I can’t. I’m not supposed to. And neither are you.

You aren’t supposed to always have the answers right away.  Its almost like you are given blinders sometimes so you can’t see the next steps so you don’t get stuck on one target. Meaning-if you are put all your energy into one direction, you may not see a direction that is better suited for you and your needs.  When you can’t see it, you may be more open to the options that present themselves…and that is a practice in itself!

You also can’t see the full picture at times because there are other steps for you to learn before you hit your destination that will only make its arrival that much better and more rewarding when you get there.

And you’ve seen this in your own life. You’ve had lots of experiences where if one event didn’t occur before the other, it wouldn’t have worked. There’s a true flow to this waiting period that is meant to benefit you so you ultimately get what you need.  You may not always see it in the wait, but you can appreciate it when you arrive.

So if we can agree that when you don’t have the answers, waiting for more information is an effective way to respond, we can also agree that sometimes waiting really sucks.

I’m assuming here that you don’t like the wait but I’m not assuming that I don’t.  I rarely say, oh wow, I feel stuck and in pain and I’m so happy I don’t have the answers to move through this comfortably. 

Ummm..no. I’m just as impatient as anyone else, which is why these practices are ones I rely on to not drive myself nuts.

In fact, while preparing for this podcast, the ideas were not flowing together and I was so frustrated because I could see all the pieces in my head that wanted to come out, but they weren’t supposed to until I practiced the techniques and concepts I share with you….so I would be clear about what was being shared.

Those ideas did not meet my self imposed deadlines and they did care that I was annoyed and ready to move on. They were not going to come to my awareness and click until it was just the right time. 

And like you I want what I want when I want it.  But me wanting is not enough…I have to be ready to receive it.

And so I practice…and these are the practices I know help.

First of all, the key is to allow the information to come to you and to be open to receive it. The quickest way to be open to receiving is to clear your energy and your internal clutter to make room for the information coming in.

Seems like it should be easy right? Except when we take on the anxiety of the impatience when we feel we need it sooner than its ready to come. 

You know what doesn’t help? Stress from impatience. Anxiety. Over questioning. Over analyzing. Looking at the problem with the same lens moment after moment expecting a different view.  This kind of behavior can be clogging and slow down our vibration. And when we slow down our energy with worry and frustration, we are not in a great position to hear or notice what we are being given.

So how do we clear our energy and be ready to receive?  Go back to the basics!! Do what brings you joy.

The root cause of the discomfort is actually quite simple. We are not living in the moment…and in turn, not enjoying the moment. 

If you think about an average day where you have to wait, we work pretty hard at avoiding the discomfort of waiting.

Think about a typical waiting area and how it is set up.  Often books or magazines are out for you to enjoy the time you are sitting. Or a television is on that can keep you distracted. If you like the article you are reading or the program you are watching, the wait seems easy…effortless. If you don’t like what you are doing then the wait seems hard and painful. Or you go into a restaurant and the host staff tells you it’s a 30 minute wait.  Most likely, you’re initial reaction will be- ugh- I don’t want to wait…..I’m starving, I don’t want to be here forever, my time is so valuable and waiting is not…etc. etc…

But if you like the company you are with and there is a place to be with that company, whether a comfortable seat or at the bar with a drink in your hand, you don’t mind waiting at all. You can get caught up in discussion or enjoy the time together that might be rushed while sitting at the table preparing to order. The time seems to fly by and the moments seems few because you are lost in them with contentment. 

And that’s the point- your perception of the moment is going to impact how you manage the wait.  When you like the moment and what you are doing, it will be easy and fun. How you perceive the moment is what will determine what makes it enjoyable or not….and just how long that wait really is.

When you do what brings you joy in a moment, you have stopped thinking about your problem and create room in your mind for more information and ideas to come in.

So the practice of doing things that bring you joy has an extraordinary amount of power to help you not just improve your health, and emotional wellbeing, it allows you to reconnect to your self and the guidance you’re waiting for.

I think its often true that the answers typically come when we are not looking for them, so we might as well enjoy the ride while we wait.

This is why we have so many experiences that seem to build on each other….because they are. When you slow down enough to notice them and observe how one opportunity leads to another and you learn something new each time, you begin to see the proof that pausing to receive the information and next steps is the most productive thing you can do.

If you don’t know which direction to go because you don’t have enough information, then wait. Allow yourself to be in the moment and let the next steps to come to you instead of chasing them.  

Use the space, the pause, to your advantage.  Make the moments work for you to decrease any discomfort in the waiting..and then enjoy the outcome when it finally works itself out. 

That of, course, is always the best part.

What is most challenging for you when waiting?